I Can't Breathe

Do you know that feeling? I'm holding on to the belief that it will go away, that I will survive the current madness, that the bills will get paid, the relatives will forgive being ignored, and the sun will come out tomorrow. But for today...well, today I just can't breathe.

Cold and Rainy Day

Today is a good day for staying inside and working. Of course, that's a good thing for me since I have so much work to do. Let's see...today my "to do" list looks something like this:

1. Finish creating my brother's CD cover art
2. Create a brochure highlighting the new CAPS 40 ton Air Handler Unit
3. Write up my review of another team's business plan
4. Work with my team on modifying our business plan
5. Work with team on Product Roadmap and Strategy
6. Work with team on the rewrite of our technology vision and strategy
7. Start on homework...lots and lots of homework

<sigh> I suppose I will have to admit that today is a bit of a "down" day for me. I still feel like I am working so very hard, but not getting caught up. Top all that off with the stress of finding out (soon) whether or not Leo and/or I have a shot at an overseas assignment and you've got a recipe for moodiness.

As far as school goes, I seem to be doing fine in all of my classes except one. That one class takes up so much more time than the others, and I am still barely passing the class. It is obviously because I don't understand the subject matter; I've had no experience at all with any of it. Usually I can make up for what I don't already know by working hard, studying hard, and looking things up. In this class, well, that's just not working for me. Still, to know that I'm hanging in there in the others is a really nice feeling. Not only am I learning a HUGE amount of new information this semester, but I'm also hanging on and learning how to use the learning in the things that I'm working on. Well, all except for that one class. <smile>

A refill on my Diet Coke and I'll be ready to dig in and start back at chipping away at my "to do" list. In spite of the dreary cold day, I'm THRILLED to be spending it at home, for once. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Leo and I waited for the front to blow through before leaving Houston last night, so we got home (to Port Lavaca) a little after 1am. I woke up this morning, walked into the living room, and once again was awed by the beautiful sight out my back windows. When I stay in Houston too long without a trip home, I forget just how beautiful "home" is. I have GOT to change my plans a bit and make this trip more often!

Today's plans don't include much more that making the requisite "Happy Thanksgiving" phone calls to all the family members, visiting with Jess and Grace, and enjoying one day of relaxation. I will also take a bit of time to reflect on how things are going and be thankful for what God has given us. I know I complain a lot about my crazy life, but the truth is, I always seem to find the next job, Leo and I are both healthy, the kids and grandkids all seem to be doing well, and I am doing all kinds of new and wonderful things. Today I am so very thankful that I have all the things in life that make me happy, and I wish the same for you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Corporate Lessons

I found these "Corporate Lessons" on a blog dated August 7, 2006 and loved the posting enough to want to put a copy here. Here is the original link in case you want to check it out: OLGY's WEBLOG: Corporate Lessons.

Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I will give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob watches her admirably for a few seconds and hands her the $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor", she replied. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Corporate learning: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. "Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up" the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch ."
Corporate learning: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 3

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Corporate learning: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after the fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Corporate learning: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Are You a List Maker Too?

There are several things that I am addicted to, Diet Cokes, driving with the radio off, foot massages by my husband (he's very good at it) just to name a few. But I am also addicted to list making. Yes, that's right. I'm addicted to writing lists. I write them at work, I write them for school, I write them before going to the grocery store, before running errands, and sometimes I just write them to write them. I'm also afraid I've passed this nasty little habit on to my children. I might be wrong about Rachael, but I am almost positive that Rebecca is a list maker too.

There are some list makers who are famous. A visit to ToDoListBlog.com and you'll see that some people even write books of lists, and others share their lists with others at parties. I'm not that far gone, of course. Or perhaps I'm just a little less public with my lists. My latest list was written today, and surprisingly, was a list I wrote for someone else. I was working and studying, so Leo went grocery shopping for me. (Note: This is something he does a lot now.) Before he left, I made him a list. That's rather strange, now that I stop to think about it. Why would someone be compelled to write a list for someone else. You might laugh and say it's because I'm getting old, this list mania. Or perhaps because I think Leo is getting old and needed a list to work from. Well, truthfully, I've been writing lists all my life, from as far back as I can remember. There is something strangely comforting in list writing. I wonder if it is because it makes me feel just a little in control, a little organized, or a little well-planned. Whatever the case, I have obviously given into my addiction and accepted it as part of my life. Someday I'll share my ever-changing list of "Things I Want to Do Before I Die" with you. I'd love to see yours as well!

The Week I Wanted to Quit

I suppose I have one of these each semester. As a working woman, and a workaholic to boot, trying to pursue an aggressive college program, I guess it makes sense that it is just not possible for me to keep up with everything at once. This was the week that school was just so overwhelming, I was trying to find a way to quit and still be able to cut my losses. But, it didn't happen that way.

I suffered some major losses this week, there's no doubt about it. I made great progress in two jobs where I am working against some tight deadlines. But for school, I had too many assignments and just couldn't get them all done. I also did something I haven't done in a very long time by pulling a true "all-nighter".

On Friday, when I got home from work, I started in on one school project. I had been up since 5:30am and started on my homework at 5:30pm. I worked on getting the business plan brushed up, cleaned up, and updated until midnight. That's when I realized that something was missing and had to dedicate another hour to the effort. At 1am, I started working on an "Integrative Assignment" that involved some activities I was just not prepared (by any previous work history or by any resources I could get my hands on) to complete. I realized at 5am that I was not going to be able to answer the questions. This class only has three official "grades" for the semester, and this was one of them. In other words, I realized I was going to fail the class. In addition, I had three papers due for this class. I had already read all of the material and had my questions ready to put down on paper, but because I spent so much time trying to answer the one important assignment, I did not get them submitted.

At 5am, I took a one hour nap. You have no idea how difficult it was to respond to the 6am alarm, but surprisingly, I did it. Up and working on last minute items from 6am until the start of class at 8am, I began to get my second wind. The teacher's aide for the classes (one of my favorite people, by the way, straightforward, honest, and helpful in everything) let me know that class failure was not going to happen if I really had made an effort on the assignment. Although I trust her, I can't imagine what is going to happen about the combination problem with the "test" and the three missed papers.

The morning sessions were very interesting, and as always, I learned a lot not only from Dr. Martin's interactions with the class, but also from the online chat that occurs at the same time. By the time the lunch break rolled around, I had been up for a little more than 32 hours, with only a one-hour nap. I set my alarm for an hour later, so I could get up and be ready for the afternoon class, then went to sleep. I'm sure the alarm, and the snooze, rang over and over, but I do not remember turning them off. I had to watch the video of the afternoon session later as I slept through the whole thing.

I can't believe how difficult I've made things for myself. This is the week that I wonder what possessed me to keep going on my education. It is costing me so much money that everything I make working at two jobs full tilt is barely enough to keep me going. I pay back $700 per week (yes, that's right...per week) on one loan and $400 per week on another. We have two sets of bills, for the house and for the apartment, and a host of other little expenses. I just keep thinking that if I had chosen not to go to school again, I would have been able to pour this $50,000 into my house. It could be finished by summer without a doubt. On Thursday night, the night before the LONG one, I did something else I hadn't done in a long time, something I haven't done in years, actually, and cried myself to sleep.

Today, however, Leo came back to Houston to be with me, we watched a good movie that we have both seen before, and I realized that life is still good. Leo doesn't care that the house is not done and that we are not becoming wealthy. He cares that we get to spend time together and laugh. So, I'll see what I can do to salvage my losses this week, and try one more time to find the ganas to be able to finish this semester and get ready for the next. (¿Es obvio que he decidido practicar mi español un poco?) So, wish me luck, and be patient with me if you are having a difficult time getting in touch. I'm going to be okay, but it is still going to take a lot of time and effort to get from here to there. Tenga un buen día de dar gracias, y el dios le bendice todo.